I’ve Been DJing seriously for almost 10 years now and I’ve just about seen it all. I’ve played in sweaty house parties, rocked high end clubs and entertained guests at a secret beachside fete.  I’ve been face to face with chicks trying to get into the DJ booth by shattering the protective glass at the Brass Taps on campus and I’ve witnessed another DJ do a line of coke off of a vinyl record while I was throwing the crowd in such a frenzy that the banging shut down the power (and I bet really confused the cokehead DJ).

Seeing crazy things is nothing new to me, in fact I enjoy it and it’s what keeps me going.  However, one thing that does surprise me is that no matter where I am, who I’m playing for or what the drinks costs, I run into the same stupid questions at the club.

These are questions I get all the time, how I answer them, and what I’m REALLY thinking when they are being asked.

1) Can you play something I can dance too?
The Usual Conversation:
Me: Well, what do you like to dance to?
Idiot: I dont know, just something with a good beat.
Me: Like what? hip hop, or like Britney Spears and stuff?
Idiot: I don’t know, you’re doing a good job, I trust you.
Me: I’ll see what i can do for you

What I’m thinking: Why do I get this same thing so often? Don’t ask this and expect me to use my DJ powers to decipher what music gets YOU going.

As surprising as it sounds, I actually was trying to play something for you to all along.  Your best bet is to tell me the song you want, or go sit at the bar till YMCA comes on.  Plus, if I’m doing such a great job, why did you come for a request?

2) Can you play some -insert genre-?
The Usual Conversation:
Me: I can do that, any specific song?
Annoying Person: No Just anything good.

What happens: I play something popular from that genre and the customer comes running over asking why I didn’t play a different song instead.

3) Can you play (insert song name) again?
The Usual Conversation
Me: Well I just played it and I don’t repeat songs.
Late Comer: Well I just got here and didn’t hear it.
Me: I’ll see what I can do, maybe later on but I’m not making any promises
Late Comer: Well you should play it because its a good song and everybody wants to hear it.

What I’m Thinking: Did you take a clubwide poll? How do you know everybody wants to hear it again?
What happens: I don’t play the song. Get here earlier next time.

4) A regular customer approaches the DJ booth.
The Usual Conversation
Regular: Hey can you play…
Me: Paper planes by MIA?
Regular: Yes thanks.

What I’m thinking: Same damn song, every week!
What happens: “All I wanna do is *bang bang bang bang*”

5) Hey man if you play this song for me that girl is gonna get with me.
The Usual Conversation
Me: Sure, man!

What I’m thinking: This is going to be fun!
What happens: I play 10 seconds of the song, watch him run to the girl and then cut it.

6) Why haven’t you played my request yet?
Now the Worst thing you can do is bug me for a song repeatedly!  I remember one 40+ year old lady called me a wheatie cuz I didnt play Bryan Adams in the middle of my Hip Hop set. Now, don’t get me wrong, when I get a request that out of left field I actually enjoy trying to make it fit in, in a creative way.  Either by remixing the song on the fly or using some other tactic.  But, trying to put me down won’t help you get your request at all… and niether does bugging me every 5 minutes.  I’m not going suddenly change the set that everyone else is enjoying just for YOU.

Seriously, just remember that requests are requests not demands. Party Smart.